Abigail von Normal (seethingheathen) wrote in sugarylime,
Abigail von Normal

Parody Sue: Third Installment.


Title: Every (Fan)Girl's Dream
Author: seethingheathen
Feedback: Please.
Pairing: Everyone/Anyone
Rating: Overall: NC-17.
Disclaimers: Not true. . .blah, blah, blah. Tolkien's characters are his own, I just get them dirty.
Summary: Aragolas. That is all.
Archive: Gay Shagging Cats.
A/N: Blatant Mary Sue. Horribly written. The only reasons the het seks isn't disgusting are: 1) I'm the OFC. 2) It's humour.

Oh, yes. I've written more. I've got to stay true to the Mary Sue hetfic genre by writing (at least) twenty-three meaningless chapters of nothing. It's in the rules, Doodle.

Remember, this is supposed to be funny. Parody, and all that. So laugh, damn you.

This is where I profess my undying lurve for my Limey Girls: I lurve you lot undyingly. There.

Spoken Sindarin is represented by [. . .]


Part Five: Aragolas Realised.

When Aragorn arrived, he was definitely surprised to see Legolas spread-eagle on Sonja's bed. He was surprised to see Legolas there at all, truth be told, but the whole naked-bound-and-blindfolded thing made it more unexpected. Not bad, mind you, but unexpected.

"Like what you see, Aragorn?" Sonja asked, noting the way Aragorn was surveying Legolas. "You want to taste him?"

"Pardon? Taste him?" Aragorn looked at Sonja in disbelief. "I know naught of the customs of your land, but here we do not bind-"

["Estel, it's alright,"] Legolas explained in Sindarin. ["I let her."]

["Are you mad?"]

["Perhaps. Tell me, Estel, do you desire to taste me?"]

["Yes."] Aragorn walked over to the bed and knelt upon it next to Legolas. Sonja could not understand a word of what they were saying to each other, but judging by these actions, things were going to be going the way she'd planned.

["Then take me in your mouth and devour me."] No sooner had the words passed Legolas' lips than was Aragorn's mouth sealed over the head of his cock and moved downward. ["Yes, Aragorn, yes,"] the Elf murmured as his length was enveloped by the warmth of the Ranger's mouth.

"Bloody feckinnell," Sonja gasped. "I knew this would be hot." She climbed up on the bed and bent to kiss Legolas. Aragorn looked up at her and furrowed his brow. When Legolas kissed Sonja back, Aragorn realised it was alright and turned his attentions back to Legolas' cock. Legolas gasped into Sonja's mouth as Aragorn's tongue grazed the sensitive spot just under the head, causing the kiss to be broken.

["It appears you have experience in this arena,"] Legolas whispered. Aragorn only responded by humming against Legolas' cock.

Sonja slid off the bed and disappeared into the bath chamber. When she returned with a bottle of scented oil and the tie from a silk robe, Aragorn was completely naked and straddling Legolas- backwards, still sucking him.

"I've got something for you, Legolas," Sonja said, getting back onto the bed and between the Prince's spread thighs. "I think you'll like it. But Aragorn has to stop for just a moment." This did not set well with said Ranger, but he reluctantly let go Legolas' cock.

"Oh," Legolas moaned as Aragorn released him. "Milady, why do you bring such torture?"

"You've not seen anything yet," Sonja responded. "And stop calling me 'Milady.' Call me Mistress Limey Sugar." She leant down and wrapped the silken tie around Legolas' cock and balls. When his body tensed, she said, "Relax. I just don't want you coming too soon. Got a lot planned for you tonight."


Part Five: Of Elves and Men.

"Aragorn, I want to watch you fuck him." Aragorn did not quite know what that meant, but Legolas did, so he moaned his agreement. "Take him. Make him scream your fucking name." Sonja poured some of the oil onto her fingertips and spread it around Legolas' arsehole. "But first, you get to watch me make him ready for you." Aragorn nodded, and looked on as Sonja pushed her index finger into Legolas' body.

"Ohh," Legolas moaned as that first finger entered his body and curved to stroke his prostate. "That is definitely nice."

"Knew you were a pervy bugger." Sonja bent and slid her tongue up Legolas' cock. "I knew you were a dirty, dirty Elf."

"Mistress Limey Sugar?" Aragorn squeaked from the chair on the side of the bed. Sonja was pleased that she had the future King of Men submitting to her.

"Patience, Aragorn! Or I won't even let you near him." At this, Legolas whimpered in agony, and writhed a bit on the bed. Sonja twisted her finger inside his body. "And poor Prince Legolas will have to go to sleep with blue-balls."

Legolas and Aragorn had no idea, of course, what exactly 'blue-balls' were, but they sounded like horrible things to have to go to sleep with. "Yes, Mistress Limey Sugar," Aragorn answered sheepishly, and went back to watching Sonja fuck Legolas with her hand. Just when Legolas' breathing had changed enough to make her aware that he was indeed suffering, she stopped and got off of the bed.

"I'm going to untie his feet now, Aragorn, and you're going to fuck him. Hard." Then, when she'd untied him, Sonja added, "But I want you to pull out of him before you're finished." She was trying to use words that she knew the Ranger would understand.

Aragorn climbed back up on the bed and positioned himself between Legolas' legs. He lifted the Prince's body up, and pushed into him. Aragorn held Legolas' legs apart as he fucked the Elf, who was now close to tears due to over-stimulation. It was a good thing for him that it didn't take Aragorn long to come, spurting silver translucence over Legolas' belly. Sonja ran her fingers through the liquid and brought them to Legolas' lips.

"Do you like the way Aragorn tastes?" she purred in his ear as he lapped the semen from her fingers.


"Yes, what?" Sonja took a strand of Legolas' hair in her fingers and pulled.

"Yes, Mistress Limey Sugar," he answered.

"Good. Now Aragorn, kiss him. Taste yourself in his mouth."

Aragorn leant down over Legolas and dipped his tongue in the Prince's mouth. Legolas pulled at his bindings in an effort to pull Aragorn in closer to him, but Sonja had made certain his wrists were well and truly fastened to the bedpost.

"Mistress Limey Sugar, I don't think he can take much more," the Ranger said, indicating Legolas' swollen length. "Please show mercy."

"Fine. But first he's got to eat me."


To be continued. . .here. Hey, why not?

Notice the redundancy of actions? Can't have a Mary Sue Hetfic without redundancy of actions.
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