Abigail von Normal (seethingheathen) wrote in sugarylime,
Abigail von Normal

Parody Sue: Seventh Instalment

Title: Every (Fan)Girl's Dream
Author: seethingheathen
Feedback: Please.
Pairing: Everyone/Anyone
Rating: Overall: NC-17.
Disclaimers: Not true. . .blah, blah, blah. Tolkien's characters are his own, I just get them dirty.
Summary: Yay, more smut.
Archive: Gay Shagging Cats.
A/N: Blatant Mary Sue. Horribly written. The only reasons the het seks isn't disgusting are: 1) I'm the OFC. 2) It's humour.
A/N 2: You know, I’m not really this pervy in real life. Oh, who am I kidding? This is a Mary Sue, which means it’s an exact representation of what I really am. Perfectly sexy and gorgeous. Yeah.

Parts 1 and 2.
Parts 3 and 4.
Parts 5 and 6.
Part 7.
Part 8.
Parts 9 and 10.

Well, here you are, still reading. I am well and truly impressed at your tolerance for Mary Sue Het Fic. Hell, maybe you’re in slash denial and you’re just reading this story for the het seks. Whatever. Enjoy.

Remember kids, spoken Sindarin is in brackets. Not that it’s got bad teeth or anything, it’s just that, well, you know, I can’t be fucked to look up the actual Sindarin. Onward, I say!

Oh, and if twincest squicks you, don’t read this. And there’s masturbation.
Part Eleven: Twincest Is the Best; Put Your Brother to the Test.

Sonja had finally found a moment’s peace from Legolas, and she used it to wander about Imladris taking in the beauty of her surroundings. Elladan and Elrohir were swimming, completely starkers, in a secluded pool.

“[Elladan! Do you hear that?]”

“[Yes. It sounds like someone is approaching. Be on your guard!]”

The two naked Elves made their way to the edge of the pool and looked around. Elrohir spied Sonja sitting on a rock just the other side of a clump of trees. “Milady! Why don’t you come and join us?” he called across the forest.

“Fuck yeah! I’ll be right there!” Sonja leapt off the rock and ran for the pool. “You two are so fucking fit I just can’t stand it!”

Elladan looked confusedly at Sonja. “Pardon, Milady, but your words are most unfamiliar.”

Sonja rolled her eyes and sighed. Sodding Elves. “You are very, ehm, pleasing to the eye, I guess you could say.”

Elrohir smiled. “Thank you, Milady. You are, as you say, ‘so fucking fit’ as well. Now, if you would kindly divest yourself of your garments and join us in the water, we would be most pleased.”

“Sure thing, mate.” Sonja took off her shirt and the trousers the tailor had given her, her Docs, which had somehow made it to Middle Earth with her, and her socks and slowly got into the pool.

The three swam for a bit, and Sonja watched how the twins interacted with one another. She had a hunch there was more to their relationship than most were aware of.

She swam up close to Elladan and whispered in his ear. “Elladan,” Sonja whispered, flicking her tongue briefly along the point of his ear. He shivered and let his eyes flutter closed. “Elladan, are you and Elrohir lovers?”

Elladan turned quickly to face Sonja, a look of utter fear in his eyes. “M-milady,” he stuttered, “why do you ask such a thing?”

“I see the way you are with each other, and I wondered.”

“You cannot tell a soul. We would be banished if anyone knew. Incest is most frowned upon by Elves.”

“Yes, I’ve read. I think It’d be fucking fab if you lot got it on right now. I want to see.”

Elladan once again looked confused. “Are you saying, Mila-”

“Oh, for fuck sake. Do whatever it is you do when you’re in bed together. And I want to watch.”

“Very well. Elrohir!”

Sonja watched as the twins got out of the pool, water cascading from their raven hair and down their backs. Elladan lay on a patch of green grass, on his back with his legs spread and knees bent, and Elrohir settled between them. Both Sonja and Elladan gasped as Elrohir took his brother’s considerable length deep into his mouth. Elladan writhed on the ground as Elrohir licked and sucked along his shaft. It didn’t take long for his silvery seed to spill out, most of it caught between Elrohir’s deft lips.

“Holy shit,” Sonja whispered, reaching beneath the surface of the water and between her legs.

Elrohir had retrieved some sort of oil from a pouch lying near his clothing, which led Sonja to assume they’d planned some sort of carnal activity for the day and had the presence of mind to bring lube. He poured a little of the liquid onto his fingers and rubbed them together. Elladan held his breath as his twin pushed his fingers- first one, then two, and finally three- into him. How he didn’t cry out from the sensation of it all, Sonja didn’t know, since she was close to screaming obscenities as she fingered herself in the pool.

As Elrohir pounded Elladan into the ground, he locked eyes with Sonja. She stopped her self-ministrations and made her way to a rock on the water’s edge. There she sat, watching Elrohir drive into his brother’s body time and again, until she could take no more. Once again, she reached down and began pleasuring herself. Elrohir stayed transfixed to her movements, watching as she worked her fingers in and out, and how her legs shook a bit when she came.

Elrohir himself came shortly thereafter, his hand around Elladan’s cock, stroking his brother once again to completion.

Ahh. Nice slashy chapter. There will be more, of course. I just had to get the fucking twincest bunnies to stop biting my toes. This ought to hold them for a bit.

To be continued. . .
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