Abigail von Normal (seethingheathen) wrote in sugarylime,
Abigail von Normal

Parody Sue: Eleventh Installment.

Title: Every (Fan)Girl's Dream
Author: seethingheathen
Feedback: Please.
Pairing: Everyone/Anyone
Rating: Overall: NC-17.
Disclaimers: Not true. . .blah, blah, blah. Tolkien's characters are his own, I just get them dirty.
Summary: Yay, more smut.
Archive: Gay Shagging Cats.
A/N: Blatant Mary Sue. Horribly written. The only reasons the het seks isn't disgusting are: 1) I'm the OFC. 2) It's humour.
A/N 2: You know, I’m not really this pervy in real life. Oh, who am I kidding? This is a Mary Sue, which means it’s an exact representation of what I really am. Perfectly sexy and gorgeous. Yeah.

Previous Instalments can be found here.

You’re still with me after the last chappy, eh? Glutton for punishment, that’s what you are. Very well, I shall continue.

Spoken Sindarin is represented by brackets.

Oh! And a new character is introduced in this chapter! Nienna Calafalas is her name. I got the name from the Elvish Name Generator, so no complaints please. It could be worse. It could be Arsarmwen. Or Carrot Cake. But Carrot Cake isn’t very Elvish, now is it? She is a bit of a tart as well. Thought that might be fun. When I get my arse kicked by the real Carrot Cake later, I won’t think it’s so great. But for now, henjoy.

Chapter Fifteen: Banquety Stuff. And Such.

Sonja and Legolas made a grand entrance into the banquet hall. Grand, of course, meaning nearly two hours late. Sonja was wearing the lilac-coloured gown, which brought out the hints of purple in her blue-black hair, and a lovely mithril crown upon her head. She was a princess now, after all. Legolas was wearing a striking silver embroidered tunic, pale blue leggings, and a similar crown. They did make a lovely pair, and everyone in the banquet hall turned to look at them as they took their seats next to Aragorn at one of the long tables.

“[So nice of you to join us, Your Highness,]” Aragorn whispered into Legolas’ ear. They’d barely spoken since the night of the council.

“[My apologies, Estel. I meant no offence. I was merely attending to domestic matters.]

“[Yes, my dear friend. The whole of Imladris heard your ‘domestic matters.’ In fact, Old Tom Bombadil sent a bird with a parchment scrap tied to its leg asking that we put a halt to the racket.]” Aragorn watched as first a blush and then a look of satisfaction spread over Legolas’ face. “[But I would not let it go to your head. Arrogance does not suit you.]”

Legolas did not let Aragorn ruin his good mood. He kept a smirk on his face as Sonja discreetly massaged his Elfhood under the table linens. “Later, my love. Later,” he leant to her and whispered. “Do you not wish to seek out Elladan and Elrohir?”

“That is going to be so bloody hot,” Sonja answered, giving Legolas’ cock one final squeeze before letting go.


Later, after having a bit too much wine, Sonja pulled Legolas away from the crowded ballroom and out onto a balcony. She was about to say something when she heard muffled voices coming from behind one of the long velvet draperies.

“Ooh, that tickles! Do it again, please,” came a small voice.

“Yes, please, do it again,” came another. “I like to watch Pippin squirm so!”

“Quiet, little Halflings, or you will alert the others to our game. And I would so hate to be interrupted.”

Legolas and Sonja couldn’t help but giggle. When they did, an Elf woman peeked out from behind the draperies. Sonja thought she was quite pretty. She had ginger hair and pale skin, and her eyes sparkled brilliantly with the embarrassment of having been discovered defiling the Hobbits.

“[Nienna,]” Legolas said, composing himself. “[Come out from behind there.]”

The woman appeared from behind the curtain, and dropped to her knees in front of the Prince. “[Forgive me, Highness,]” she said breathily, takno nno notice of Sonja’s presence. “[Let me make it up to you.]” Nienna reached for Legolas’ tunic, but he stepped away. Sonja made a mental note to learn Sindarin.

“[That is most inappropriate, Milady. Can you not see my wife standing next to me?]” Legolas gripped Sonja’s hand so tightly she thought her fingers had been broken.

“[Forgive me, Highness. Let me make it up to you.]”

Legolas took off back through the ballroom and down the hall, dragging Sonja behind him. When they got into the south corridor, Legolas stopped. Sonja looked at him as though he’d lost his mind. “Who is she, Legolas? An old girlfriend?”

“No! Elbereth, no! She’s been after me and every other Elf in Middle Earth for centuries. I will not give in to her advances.”

“Ah. Town bike, then?” Sonja made another mental note. She’d have to go for a ride later.


“Nevermind. I need to get this fucking dress off.”

“May I be of some assistance?” Legolas’ eyes lit up. “We are closer to my chambers than yours,” he said, lifting the handle on the door he and Sonja were standing in front of. Sonja thought it seemed rather convenient.

“Fine, but I’m a bit knackered from earlier, so I’m just going to sleep.”

“Quite alright,” Legolas answered, but he couldn’t keep the disappointment from his voice.


To be continued. . .

Yet another chapter where nothing significant happens. Will it ever stop? Nope.
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